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2. The Dragon will be snide. Knowledge of the Ages, Experiences of Eternity, forced to interact with humans on a daily basis--I gotta have some way to cope.
3. Mundanes cannot do magic. Sorry, it's just not part of your universe's make-up.
4. Whenever a Mundane buys, borrows or steals the magic of a Faerie, dire consequences result. People get hurt or killed, souls are endangered... Mundanes and magic do not mix.
5. No matter how vicious the Faerie, some Mundane will think it's cute, or misunderstood, or just needs a buddy, or will grant wishes if you capture or bribe it. Come on, folks--Let My People Alone.
6. If the dragon does something wrong or true to its nature, it will get splashed all over the news. Especially in my new hometown of Los Lagos. Know the saying, "A prophet is never appreciated in his own town"? Works for dragons, too.
Review of Firestorm of Dragons
Posted by KarinaFabian on Friday, April 04, 2008 (15:03:18) (102 reads)
Got the first review of Firestorm of Dragons. Melissa had this to say:
A good example of both comic relief and a story that keeps the reader on their toes is Karina Fabian's Dragon Eye, P.I. I look forward to meeting Vern again as Karina expands his repertoire of adventures and maybe even gives him his own novel.
Vern is keeping company with a variety of other dragon types in this anthology including those who are hunted for the value of their blood and meat as well as dragons who become the object of thrill seekers' newest pastime (Dragon Scaling). BTW the word Scaling in this title has duplicate meanings read the story to find out what they are. There are many more and such a wide variety I can't begin to describe them all here but check out this anthology especially if you're into Dragons and Fantasy - these editors have managed to snag themselves quite a pile of delightful stories by talented authors.
Rules of Detective Fiction Discussed
Posted by KarinaFabian on Monday, March 31, 2008 (21:28:37) (148 reads)
Ann Lewis passed on the following rules and wondered what my opinion was on them:
Monsignor Ronald A. Knox (1888-1957) was a British clergyman, editor, a literary critic, a humorist and a detective story writer himself who nicely laid out, with a gentle wit, the "ten rules" that guided detective fiction in its so-called Golden Age. They appeared in the preface to Best Detective Stories of 1928-29, which Knox edited.
1. The criminal must be someone mentioned in the early part of the story, but must not be anyone whose thoughts the reader has been allowed to follow.
--Works for me. I'm a dragon, not a psychic. Besides, in my stories, you follow my thoughts. They're more interesting, anyway.
2. All supernatural or preternatural agencies are ruled out as a matter of course.
--Yeah. Obviously written PG (pre-Gap), so I'll give Msgr Knox a pass.
3. Not more than one secret room or passage is allowable.
--In my experience, any building with only one secret room or passage doesn’t keep it secret for long. The Duke's castle, for example, has seventeen secret passages that I know of, most of which have been employed as short cuts for pages in a hurry, convenient napping spots for the lazy servant, and the secluded spot for the occasional tryst. (How do I know this? Guess who's had the dubious pleasure of getting hired to patrol the secret passages?) Once in awhile, a passage will be condemned and blocked off for a generation until folks forget about it, whereupon, it becomes "secret" again. And you didn't think Faerie recycled.
4. No hitherto undiscovered poisons may be used, nor any appliance which will need a long scientific explanation at the end.
--Does that mean, you can't kill the victim by dropping a refrigerator on him?
5. No Chinaman must figure in the story.
--I'm Equal Opportunity; wherever you're from, Faerie or Mundane, you do the crime I'll catch ya in time. Besides, I like Chinese.
6. No accident must ever help the detective, nor must he ever have an unaccountable intuition which proves to be right.
--Since I have the Wisdom of the Ages and Experience of Eternity, I cannot be held responsible for what humans may consider "unaccountable intuition." I'll try to slow down for you, however. Detective work isn't rocket science; besides, that'd violate Rule 4.
7. The detective must not himself commit the crime.
--Can I commit another crime? Kidding...
8. The detective must not light on any clues which are not instantly produced for the inspection of the reader.
--Since I tell them like I see them, you know about clues when I do.
9. The stupid friend of the detective, the Watson, must not conceal any thoughts which pass through his mind; his intelligence must be slightly, but very slightly, below that of the average reader.
--That let's Grace out. Maybe I can get Kitty McGrue to try out for the part of 'stupid friend."
10. Twin brothers, and doubles generally, must not appear unless we have been duly prepared for them.
--Well, OK, but no one complain to me if some species all look alike to you.
They're Made of Meat
Posted by Vern on Friday, March 28, 2008 (12:31:20) (116 reads)
Found this from loyal friend Theresa.
They're made of Meat
I think some of us Magicals have had the same experience. Of course, we have to live with you.
Nicely done. I tip my fedora to Stephen O'Regan and his cast and crew. [url=They're made of Meat]Here's Terry Bisson's original story.[/url]
St. Patrick's Day Thoughts
Posted by Vern on Friday, March 28, 2008 (12:30:30) (113 reads)
St. Patrick's Day always makes me introspective.
I never met him. During most of his life, I was in Africa, recovering from the concerted efforts of some very nasty dwarves who decided they wanted my cozy home. (Yeah, it was their mine, but they'd left it. Possession is more than nine-tenths of the law where a dragon is concerned. Unfortunately, they disagreed and they had numbers, lots of axes and a good knowledge of which tunnel to collapse on top of me. Not amusing--but that's a different story.)
Anyhow, St. Patrick and I have some things in common. He was captured, taken from his home and forced to serve a cruel master until he ran away six years later. Yet those years gave him the tools he needed to return to Ireland and minister to the inhabitants and convert an entire people. Now he's one of the most popular and beloved saints of all time.
I, too, have been captured and coerced into serving God and Man though the Faerie Catholic Church. (Come on, you didn't think I gave into George willingly, did you? Our battle lasted weeks--the proverbial 40 days, in fact.)
Now, I'm not saying the Church has been a cruel master. I'm certain I've had far more comfort than the good saint. Nonetheless, while it's been a fun gig at times, there's been more than once that I've had the urge to run off--and a few times, I have, but I come back. God's got me between Peter and Conscience. (Think a minute--you'll get the joke. And if not, go here*)
Interestingly, St George himself didn't know why he captured me, converted me into a not much more than a good looking Gila Monster, and forced me into servitude. He was compelled, driven by the Will of God. I don't always acknowledge that, but like I said, St. Patrick's Day makes me introspective. Still, the point is, God wanted a dragon in the employ of the Church. I've done a lot and learned a lot--stuff that I'd never have bothered with as a free dragon. I gotta wonder, though:
Someday, God will free me from my magical bonds. But what's He got planned for me afterward? Is he preparing me for something more?
St. Patrick, I pray for you today and ask that you pray for me.
10 Things that Annoy Me
Posted by Vern on Friday, March 28, 2008 (12:29:38) (132 reads)
In no particular order...
1. People asking if I'm housebroken.
2. People who don't ask, but examine the sidewalks instead. (Don't think I don't notice.)
3. Bagpipes, especially Faerie bagpipes. They were invented to drive off dragons, you know. Not sure why they were invented here.
4. Zombies. You know the feeling you get when you reach into the fridge for some tasty leftover and discover it's gotten molded and decayed? Now imagine how you'd feel if it then got up and wanted to eat you.
5. Monotony. The greatest penance I ever did was spend a couple of decades doing the same thing over and over. I do not know how Mundanes on assembly lines keep their sanity. Bring on the robots, I say.
6. Having to be diplomatic with people. I'm a dragon; diplomacy should be what happens to me.
7. Lack of common sense. I understand that common sense isn't as common as most people think, and lack of common sense results in my getting employed--and thus fed. Still, it annoys me.
8. Soap operas. I will never understand the draw of watching convoluted made up shows of other people's angst. Frankly, if people lived like that in Faerie, they'd get tied to a tree with "Dragons: Free Lunch" written over their heads.
9. Miniaturization. The new cell phones are hardly the size of a human ear--do you know how hard it is to get one I can listen to and speak in at the same time? And the buttons are getting so small, I have to have a sharpened claw just so I can press one and not four or five.
10. Limiting myself to 10 of anything. I'm an eternal beast, created at the beginning of the world. You have no idea how many things annoy me.
Fortunately, I'm a mellower dragon than I used to be. Once upon a time, I'd just flame whatever was bugging me. Kind of like scratching an itch, but with better pyrotechnics.
How I Got My Flight Back
Posted by Vern on Friday, March 28, 2008 (12:28:51) (83 reads)
Got a comment today on MySpace from Elm Smith saying it was a pity I couldn't fly. She'd have paid for that.
St. George did take away my flight, along with my fire, my size, my healing abilities, my knowledge and most of my magic, he gave me the chance to earn it back. Think of it as a kind of Holy Indentured Servitude, if you like. I certainly have now and again. Still, it's been a fun gig, and--pardon my well-deserved pride--the Faerie Church has been able to do a lot of great things with me that it could not have done with its human congregation.
Case in point: how I got my fire back.
In the Faerie New World, the Aztec empire rules Central America and follows the Catholic faith. That, for the most part, is thanks to me. The Pope had assigned me to join the exhibition to the New World. I had made some progress from my original post-George state. I had some of my knowledge and healing ability and a smidgen of my magic, but I was still only about 4 feet when sitting on my haunches. Cortes, not a tall man himself, seemed to delight in that. By the time we reached South America, I'd figured my purpose was just to make him feel good about himself--something I thwarted at every opportunity, incidentally. Don't know about your Cortes, but ours was a pompous, conceited, posturing windbag.
Perhaps, then, you won't find it surprising that upon meeting the natives, he made a big speech about how our God was so strong, it would allow him to pit his lowly pet dragon against Quetzalcoatl and win.
Now Quetzalcoatl was the God of the Faerie Aztecs. He'd fought his way to the top of the demigods and defended his position for hundreds of years. Given my current state, it was definitely a David against Goliath. And I didn't have a slingshot.
The details of the fight aren't important for this blog. However, at one point, I had Quetzi's leg clamped in my jaws--my fang was stuck, if you must know--and instead of scrabbling me off, he clamped onto my leg with his claws and climbed about a thousand feet up. Then he managed to push me off.
I tumbled down at 32 feet per second squared, with prayers, shrieks, thoughts of how much pain I would be in and plans for getting back at Cortes rushing through my mind. I spread my wings, hoping to at least slow myself--
--and I was soaring.
I could have just taken off, then and there, nursed my wounds and come back later to inflict some on a certain conquistador, but I didn't. I rejoined the fight, found my own version of a "slingshot" and defeated the Great god of the Aztecs. Seeing their deity defeated, they converted (I'm making it sound easier than it was) and thus Faerie's history turns out less bloody than Mundanes.
I'll tell the whole thing to Karina sometime. Right now, she's busy with that Catholic Writers Conference Online. Looks like fun. I may make an appearance.
For the record, while I can fly, I only give rides in special circumstances like when we're on a case. And, like it says at the top of my website, I charge extra for that.
Another Case, Another Anghology
Posted by Vern on Friday, March 28, 2008 (12:27:26) (101 reads)
Karina just let us know our case, "Amateurs" is going to be included in the anthology Distant Passages by Double-Edged Publishing.
This story appeared in The Sword Review a while back. It's still one of my favorites. Anytime Grace and I get to thwart an uppity goddess and contribute to some dimension's Biblical history counts as a good time to me. Too bad I had to lose my pretty dragon stone in the process. Oh, well. There are worse things.
Contract Signed for Live and Let Fly
Posted by Vern on Friday, March 28, 2008 (12:25:42) (104 reads)
Swimming Kangaroo has contracted with Karina to write another of our adventures. Like the Mensa Convention, this one was fun--in retrospect. Evil Overlords, diabolical plots, romance, magic and technical gadgets, and a puck or two. Live and Let Fly will come out in late 2009, probably about 6 months after Magic, Mensa and Mayhem. I'm hoping after that, Karina might take on some of our more serious cases, but we'll see what pays. (She likes to eat as much as we do--well as much as Grace. No one likes to eat as much as I do.)
We've finished a glossary to go with Magic, Mensa and Mayhem and will start going over details of the case next week. Still looking at an early 2009 publishing date for it.
One of my earliest cases made it to this anthology. Order More Info
About Karina Fabian
What People Say About DragonEye, PI:
A good example of both comic relief and a story that keeps the reader on their toes is Karina Fabian's Dragon Eye, P.I. I look forward to meeting Vern again as Karina expands his repertoire of adventures. --Bibliophile's Retreat
Publisher's Weekly: Well-imagined and densely plotted with distinctly memorable and occasionally silly characters and groan-worthy puns.
Magic, Mensa & Mayhem made me laugh, everything from quiet chuckles to outright snorts. --Jody Lynn Nye
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