The Search for a cover artist
Posted by KarinaFabian on Thursday, January 15, 2009 (16:45:28) (278 reads)
One thing I'm not enjoying is being sketched for the cover art of the DragonEye, PI books. Let's face it. I'm vain. It's part of the definition of dragon. make me look right and make me look good.
However, no one thought to take a photo of me--hello!--so all the artists had to go on was their imagination and Karina's long-winded, detailed descriptions. Honestly, there are times I think she has elf blood.
The original artists Karina had asked didn't get the feel right. One made me look like a plushie--I don't do soft and cuddly--the other made me look, well, morose and Elizabethan. Now I have a cousin that he just pegged, but he's not me. Karina is going to ask for permission to post them. the artists have talent; they just didn't get my grandeur and stunning and unique personality.
I didn't mean I was this vain! And what's with the anorexia? That's a Mundane standard of beauty--even as Pius's pampered pet, I was more buff than that. And those hands. If I had humanish hands like that, it would make living in the Mendane world a lot easier--except people would expect me to eat with a fork, no doubt. Think I'll stick to my paws.
The next finalist, Justin Shauf was a late-comer and I was the first dragon he'd drawn, believe it or not.
Look at me! I'm a superhero! All I need are tights...not! And if I had horns like that, I'd probably get run out of the universe by the Fundamentalist types. I already have people thinking I'm the Spawn of Satan just because St. John mentioned a dragon in Revelation. Come on, people--count the heads. We have the same scene in our version of the Bible, incidentally. Satan can take any form he likes, and he took a dragon form specifically to cause problems between our species. Tell you that story another time--maybe in the Dragon's Eye View. (Must be registered on the site to view it!)
Monday, I'll introduce you to Roe Mesquita, our cover artist.
Another interview about my non-candidacy
Posted by KarinaFabian on Thursday, October 02, 2008 (15:01:00) (106 reads)
Sorry for the delay. I'm still fielding calls about my non-candidacy for your Mundane presidency. I think I'm looking forward to your elections more than any being alive.
Here's one by Joyce Anthony:
1. What platform are you not running on?
"Leave me alone" works for me, but for some reason, people think that makes me Libertarian.
2. If you happen to win this position you're not running for, what would you like to see happen for dragons everywhere?
Riotous laughter? Hiding their heads in shame? Traditionally, dragons take a more advisory role. I'd prefer it stay that way. I'd also prefer to charge hefty fees for my advice. Take a note, guys.
3. Vern, would you be willing to tell me what you think of your competit...er...those who are running?
They're only human. What more is there to say?
4. If you were running (I know, I know, you say you aren't) but if you were...what would you like to tell the voters?
Make a responsible and moral choice—and while you're at it, live responsible and moral lives. Makes running a country easier.
5. President Vern...I like the sound of that...are you absolutely sure you aren't running? I bet you have plans on what you would like the world to be like...can you share some of those thoughts??
Edible. And interesting. Of course, most of the world is like that for me already. I would mind it a little less annoying—and better paying for annoyances I have to deal with.
Grace, however wants me to add something more applicable to you humans, so:
--People wouldn't depend on government programs to care for the poor—those with means would do it themselves. Those with the means to work would work, regardless of how demeaning they think the job is, and get paid enough to eat and have a decent place to live, though not necessarily a car, cable, cell phone, Wii, and all the things you Mundanes think are "necessary."
--Kids would work hard for their grades and get the grades they deserve.
--People would obey laws and accept their punishment if they didn't.
It comes down to personal responsibility, and you can only legislate that so much.
Oh, and everyone would realize that no matter what color your skin is, what accent you speak with, where you or your ancestors come from, on the inside, you're all just meat. Think about that the next time you want to annoy me.
Psst....if I tell everyone to vote for you, will you insist they buy a copy of Storm when you win???
My ethics committee (snicker) says I can't do that, but I can put a plug for it here: "Life isn't about surviving the storm, but learning to dance in the rain" Let Storm teach you to dance in the rain! http://joyceanthony.tripod.com
Vern for President? The Interview
Posted by KarinaFabian on Monday, September 08, 2008 (13:52:57) (117 reads)
Apparently, the press continues to wonder about my non-bid for the Presidency. I got an e-mail from reporter Sherry Thompson with questions about my non-campaign. Figured it'd be entertaining to answer them here:
Non-candidate Vern, sir. How do you answer the pundits who suggest that prime ministers and other dignitaries visiting your White House might be in danger of losing limbs if talks between you weren't "cordial and productive"?
I like the "sir." Shows respect. Not enough Mundanes respect the dragon.
First off, I haven't eaten a human in over 900 years. That's even before George bespelled me to serve God and His creatures, which took sentient beings off my menu. Not that I don't entertain fantasies now and then, but if former President Carter could "lust in his heart," Why can't I hunger in my stomach?
Frankly, having a reputation as a man-eater might come in handy with some visiting dignitaries. A licking of the lips, a little strategic drooling, and I could probably get some great concessions for the country.
I could also end up with God reducing me to the size of a newt by the time my tour was done. Another great reason not to run.
Is it true you have a lawyer on retainer to field lawsuits for property damage?
You've been reading Kitty McGrue's articles, haven't you? Unlike the superheros you all seem to revere in this world, I can generally do my job without property damage. Unlike your legends, Faerie dragons have great control over their flames. I can light a cigarette as easily as blaze a building. The only "damage" I ever do is to scrape my claws against something I claim as my territory--and as the people of Los Lagos--that's not damage; that's insurance!
Seems to me I've read about a certain president whose staff thought it was fun to remove the W key from all the keyboards in the White House. Did he need a lawyer?
Property damage. (snort) Next thing, you'll be asking if I'm housebroken.
If you choose to run, what would be your platform?
Since I don't choose to run, and can't run, and would probably lose most of my dragon abilities I've earned back over the past eight centuries if I did run, I'd have to say my platform would be: Find Someone Else.
The AARP would like to host a debate with the other candidates but they are concerned about a suitable venue. Do you have any suggestions?
I live, eat, drink, work and attend Mass with humans, so physical location is not a problem as far as accommodations. I generally don’t fly long distances myself--it scared the Mundane populace--but if someone wants to pay for airship travel, I'll go anywhere. Not that I plan to run, but I do enjoy a good debate. A king-sized bed in my hotel room, a good restaurant (preferably with a bar or high table) and I'm good to go.
We already have some idea about your forms of daily exercise to stay fit; however, the AMA is concerned about your diet, cholesterol, and potential health risks during your presidency. Would you like to say on the subject?
I'm immortal. 'Nuff said.
Is there anything you would like to say to the American people?
Don't ask to ride on my back. Don't treat me like an animal. Don't ever call me Vern d'Wyvern.
Athiest on my Dinner List
Posted by KarinaFabian on Monday, July 28, 2008 (19:37:02) (100 reads)
I'm starting a new list: People I'd like to have for lunch--literally.
Top on my list is the atheist professor who gets his jollies by desecrating the Host:
Let me start with an explanation for you non-Catholics: the small wafer with nail in it is a Consecrated Host. That means that this piece of unleavened bread through the ceremony of Catholic Mass, has become in a real way the Body of Christ. It looks like a wafer, it tastes like a cracker, but for those who understand and believe, this is God offering Himself to them (us, since I'm Catholic) in a true form. For more about why we believe, click here.
But an atheist professor with a chip on his shoulder has made it his mission to insult that in the name of his own beliefs. (And atheism is as much a belief as faith.)
I'm not going to mention his name. He seems to thrive on the publicity. I can't imagine what else he intended by this little stunt. Let's look at this logically: Did he really think God would personally come down and smite him to make a point? Did he really think this is the first time the Host has been desecrated? Trust me, far worse has been done to smear the name of God. It doesn't make what he did right or even insignificant, but God can handle it.
Did he think he'd change anyone's mind? On the contrary, his blog is full of outraged Catholics writing about his action (with varying levels of taste); even more, however, are the number of folks who have GONE TO CHURCH to pray, to make reparations for him, and even to ask for his conversion. Can we say, "Backfire"?
Did this gain him popularity among his students and staff? I know a lot of people are calling for him to be fired, and justifiably so. Read Jimmy Akin's arguments. Even with the issue of whether the Host is God or "cracker" put aside, he went out of his way to insult the a significant percentage the population. "Question everything," he said, but the only thing in question is his professionalism.
This would never have happened in Faerie. There have been many times when the Body of Christ--in the Consecrated Host or in the lives of Church's members--have been desecrated, twisted and maligned. But never as a cheap publicity stunt.
I did find it interesting, however, that the worst thing he could think of was to put a nail through the Host, believing that by doing so, he might cause people to doubt their belief in the promises of Christ. Seems to me the Romans thought the same thing.
I am not a carnival ride
Posted by KarinaFabian on Thursday, July 24, 2008 (17:54:54) (108 reads)
A couple of posts ago, I ended with "I'm not a carnival ride."
I've had humans who think that because I walk on four legs, that I must enjoy giving rides. Ironically, the fact that I, unlike a mule, can say, "Get off my back," they feel challenged to talk me into it. That's why my ad says, "rides extra." And I mean a lot extra.
Somehow, people think mini-humans are exempt from that. I got bugged about it a lot at church when I first arrived. However, the worst case I had was when we were in Florida babysitting a lot of Magicals for a Mensa convention. I dozed off on the hotel grounds for a couple of minutes and some human family plopped their toddler on my back.
The worst of it was, when I told them to get the kid off my, they thought I was a prank ride--an animatronic creature there to startle the patrons. Obviously, they'd watched too many Leno shots of the prank photo booth.
It took Grace--and just a little magic--to convince them that I was a fairy creature and not a machine with some human faking my voice. By that time, the kid had messed his diaper on me, I'd grabbed him up by my tail, the mom was hitting me with her purse, and the water nymphs were throwing mud at the father. (Long story explained in detail in Magic, Mensa and Mayhem.)
How people react to a dragon
Posted by KarinaFabian on Friday, May 30, 2008 (14:09:11) (140 reads)
Sometimes, I get asked about how people react around me. Naturally, everyone's different, but after an eternity, I've gotten myself a system for gaging crowds. Imagine a 3-dimensional graph. The X axis ranges from "Run Screaming" to "Swarm the Pretty Dragon!" the Y axis goes from Disdain to Awe, and the Z axis (added for you Mundanes) ranges from "Paparazzi" to "Free Photo Op!"
Graph: This is just to show you what a 3d-graph might look like. This one is for engine torque, not human reactions; wonder if I should make one to predict my torque-off points?
I've then broken the chart into 10 areas. We begin at the origin point with Area One: Run Screaming/Return with Sharpened Pitchforks, move through environmental protestors and up until we get to school science fair projects and finally end up at Area Ten: Mobs of People Want to Take Photos of Their Kid On My Back.
Naturally, I prefer if you stay somewhere around 5 or 6.
10 Things that Annoy Me
Posted by Vern on Friday, March 28, 2008 (12:29:38) (132 reads)
In no particular order...
1. People asking if I'm housebroken.
2. People who don't ask, but examine the sidewalks instead. (Don't think I don't notice.)
3. Bagpipes, especially Faerie bagpipes. They were invented to drive off dragons, you know. Not sure why they were invented here.
4. Zombies. You know the feeling you get when you reach into the fridge for some tasty leftover and discover it's gotten molded and decayed? Now imagine how you'd feel if it then got up and wanted to eat you.
5. Monotony. The greatest penance I ever did was spend a couple of decades doing the same thing over and over. I do not know how Mundanes on assembly lines keep their sanity. Bring on the robots, I say.
6. Having to be diplomatic with people. I'm a dragon; diplomacy should be what happens to me.
7. Lack of common sense. I understand that common sense isn't as common as most people think, and lack of common sense results in my getting employed--and thus fed. Still, it annoys me.
8. Soap operas. I will never understand the draw of watching convoluted made up shows of other people's angst. Frankly, if people lived like that in Faerie, they'd get tied to a tree with "Dragons: Free Lunch" written over their heads.
9. Miniaturization. The new cell phones are hardly the size of a human ear--do you know how hard it is to get one I can listen to and speak in at the same time? And the buttons are getting so small, I have to have a sharpened claw just so I can press one and not four or five.
10. Limiting myself to 10 of anything. I'm an eternal beast, created at the beginning of the world. You have no idea how many things annoy me.
Fortunately, I'm a mellower dragon than I used to be. Once upon a time, I'd just flame whatever was bugging me. Kind of like scratching an itch, but with better pyrotechnics.
One of my earliest cases made it to this anthology. Order More Info
About Karina Fabian
What People Say About DragonEye, PI:
A good example of both comic relief and a story that keeps the reader on their toes is Karina Fabian's Dragon Eye, P.I. I look forward to meeting Vern again as Karina expands his repertoire of adventures. --Bibliophile's Retreat
Publisher's Weekly: Well-imagined and densely plotted with distinctly memorable and occasionally silly characters and groan-worthy puns.
Magic, Mensa & Mayhem made me laugh, everything from quiet chuckles to outright snorts. --Jody Lynn Nye
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