The Costa Kids came up with this Christmas carol for me. It's sung to the tune of Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer:

Vern the undersized dragon
Had a geas from St George
And if you ask, he'll tell you
He don't want it anymore
All of the other dragons
Are so glad it's him, not them
And everyday they're praying
God won't pull that trick again!

Then one fated Summer's day
Space-time blew a hole
God sent Vern across to stay
And take a detective's role

Not all the Mundanes love him
But we, his friends, all shout with glee!
Vern is our favorite dragon
And he'll go down in history!


Hey, don't forget our Christmas Mystery is up for sale on the website. Here's the link.

Here's a guy who thought he could make some big bucks by [url=http://www.buffalonews.com/258/story/510107.html?imw=Y ]claiming he tripped on a rug at a 7-11.[/url]

He went to the hospital, filed with his insurance. However...."video surveillance revealed he laid on the floor after adjusting the rug to make it look like he tripped." (From the article.)

First of all, I don't understand the American medical and legal system that actually rewards someone for being a clutz. I tripped on a rug! I spilled coffee on myself! This is why you have warning labels that tell you not to use the blow dryer in the bathtub.

Fine. Not my legal system. (Mine is to eat the clutzes and thus help strengthen the overall human herd.) However, if you're going to make claims for injuries, at least make sure you are not caught on the security camera faking your own fall!

Yep--the guy was so wasted and so stupid that he actually ran over his own legs while trying to escape.

No video. Read the article.

Santa Fe, NM is a little far from me, but I'd have been willing to fly down and play vulture for that particular fiasco. Do you have to arrest him? I could eats him, I could. Drool Drool. I likes pickled idiot.

Grace is telling me I need to go to Confession now. I should make her go, too. She's laughing.

Police broke up a party in Wrentham, MA, and arrested 22 kids for underage drinking and two on drug charges. Here's the incredibly stupid and tragic part:

Police were disturbed when they pulled up to the house and saw that one car in the driveway had chalk on the back window that read "RIP Taylor Meyer - we will never forget you."

Many of the teens arrested were wearing pink bracelets in memory of Taylor, who was found dead following after an underage drinking party in October.

I wish I could say humans are the only species that indulges in self-destructive behavior, but I can't think of any who do so while wearing the reminders of what that same behavior can do.

Words fail me--and that's saying a lot. Grace is praying for them all; in particular, Taylor's mother, who made the bracelets in hopes that she might make some kids think before they drink. Apparently, thinking is a novelty among that group.

Maybe I'll comment when I stop laughing. (I love you Mundanes!)

Piracy in your Indian Ocean area is not a laughing matter. So far this year, 39 tankers have been hijacked, according to an MSNBC report.

However, you still get the occasional case of stupid. Take for example, a pirate mother ship which threatened to destroy an[url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INS_Tabar_(F44)] Indian Navy battleship Tabar.[/url] Guns and rocket-propelled grenades vs. anti-ship missiles? Can we guess which ship was sunk?

Reminds me of the time a ship tried to harpoon me. It was made of wood--"was" being the key word there.

Here's a guy trying to be smart and missing the point. Watch as he takes out the security cameras: Now watch from the camera he's taking out:
Yeah. Mission accomplished.

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yeah. I also like road kill. Make a connection if you want.
2. Have you ever smoked? Sure. I breathe fire, too. It's only hazardous to your health.
3. Do you own a gun? Why would I
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Dragons don't drink Kool Aid
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No, but they do
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Hot, cold, doesn't matter to me. I try not to eat dogs here. It disturbs you Mundanes
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Miracle on 34th Street
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
9. Can you do push ups? All the time, but with a four-legged body, that doesn’t mean much
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Large and sparkly. My favorite stone is Dragonstone, of course. Not sparkly, but mesmerizing.
11. Favorite hobby? Unique experiences. Damsels and knights, how I indulge that hobby here!
12. Do you have A.D.D.? Since I have a brain that can effectively multitask, this question is irrelevant
13. What's one trait you dislike about yourself? That's I'm not myself in so many ways. Undersized and underpowered gets really annoying after awhile.
14. What is your Middle name ? Dragons don't have middle names.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.... I can't believe Karina talked me into doing this blog. I'm working through some Gap physics from an article I just read. And I think I know where Mrs. Edmonton's prize Schitzu is.
16. Name three drinks you regularly drink ... water, coffee, ethanol (though not as regularly as I did before Grace moved in
17. Current worry? Stopping the Faerie forces of Hell from getting a foothold in the Mundane.
18. Current hate right now? That I don't have all my magical abilities back
19. Favorite place to be? Hanging out with Grace
20.How did you bring in the New Year? Praying for the future
21. Where would you like to go? Back to my old stomping ground in Faerie, just for a vacation. Roll in my treasure, swim in the Red Sea, chase down my prey in a huge savanna...
22. Name three people who will complete this? How would I know? I'm a detective, not a clairvoyant.
23. Do you own slippers? Slippers? On these feet?
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? I don't wear shirts. I have a couple of vests, but only for work. Pockets are useful in my business.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Too slippery.
26. Can you whistle? Yes
27. Favorite color? gold
28. Would you be a pirate? I think God would object to that. Good way for me to end up the size of newt again.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Dragons don't fit in showers and dragons purr, not sing.
30. Favorite Girl's name: Veronica
31. Favorite Boys Name: George
32. What's in your pocket right now? Detective tools--lockpicks, bespelled medallions, communications equipment...
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Grace told me not to tell--it's mean.
34. Best bed sheets as a child? I've never been a child and I never had favorite bedsheets
35. Worst injury/illness you've ever had? An angry mobonce got the better of me--hey! It happens!--and chopped me into little bits. That was a long inconvenience growing back.
36. Do you love where you live? No. Except that Grace is here.
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? one
38. Who is your loudest friend? Shela. She's a banshee.
39. How many dogs do you have? Two--Rif and Raf
40.. Does someone have a crush on you? If they do, they need psychiatric help
41. What is your favorite book? There are too many--anything that's new and groundbreaking. Dragons love novelty.
42. What is your favorite candy? jawbreakers
43. Favorite Sports Team? Since I live in Colorado, I'd better say the Broncos and the Avalanche. Baseball isn't my thing. However, my favorite sport is jousting. I used to like to watch it and gain intel on the guys who might be going after me one day.
44. What song do you want played at your funeral: Since I can't die, that'd be the theme from "Mission Impossible."

Here's my next favorite stupid human trick video.
If he'd been a knight coming after me, I'd have called him Sir Delivery.

All month, the fantasy anthology, Firestorm of Dragons is touring the blogsphere. This is the anthology with "DragonEye, PI." Karina will be doing some special blogs on it next week, but in the meantime, click for more info for a list of who is featuring interviews, reviews and more.